Hi Everyone,
Sorry my posts have been so far and few. I’ve been having a hard time coming up with positive posts as my withdrawal from steroids has been a very dark and lonely road. I read others’ posts and feel like I should be jumping for joy in comparison. I admire those who can take the positive from this experience and use it as fuel to go on. I’ve never been a true optimist, maybe fleetingly, so trying to deal with the daily grief of the deep down itch, uncomfortable, ripped up skin and anxiety that comes with it has been difficult. I am into my 4th month of withdrawal now and have started seeing major improvements.
I still wake up itching in the middle of the night and throughout the day, but not nearly as often as before. Every living moment was itchiness up until a couple weeks ago. I’m getting breaks. Some days I itch maybe only 30-40% of the day and with less intensity versus a full on 95% with intensity. I noticed improvements when I started using the Epsom salts again. I stopped salts for a few weeks thinking that it might be drying me out. I became dry during this time I was off the salts but thought it was maybe just a part of the natural progression of TSW. I gave salts another chance since I figured I had nothing to lose. Has made a world of a difference.
My skin is retaining moisture finally and for longer. I still weep when I scratch too hard, but overall I see that I’m a few steps closer to healing. Today I noticed that my nose felt greasy from its own oils (I haven’t moisturized since last night). If I told my 17 year old self that I’d be excited about an oily nose, I’d roll my eyes and say “whatever” – I was an oily, pepperoni face at that time.
I haven’t been working for the last 2 months now. There are many TSW friends who continue to work full-time hours and applaud them for braving it. I’m not sure when I’ll feel ready to work again. I’ve always had somewhat low self-esteem and am trying to gauge when I can start getting out again. Going to the mall or somewhere to do errands on my own just terrifies me; I’ve become utterly anti-social. I do mean anti-social… as in as little people contact as possible. At 26? Yeah I know, but hell – I’m allowing myself excuses for now. When I’m much closer to healing, I can go back to my normal contentedly quiet, shy self amidst the social butterflies of the outside world. For now, Dexter (my Beagle) and Charlie keep me company when I’m home alone. More frequent updates to come!
Dexter, the Beagle keeps me company
laleizel 
Aw what a cutie pie. My pup has been my little buddy through my withdrawal. When I’m having a bad day, she knows and comes and lays her little head on me or sits in my lap.
The anxiety going out in public eventually will go away. I remember when I stopped giving a fuck about what people thought. I also started staring back and telling people off for staring at me. Actually, yesterday someone wrote on facebook that they wished they could stare at people because it is fun. I told him that as someone with a disfiguring illness, it is really devastating to have people stare at me when I go outside.
Hang in there! You will get through it. I was feeling really really low around the time you are now and it was hard to be positive. Keep yourself busy, try to get your mind off your skin. Easier said than done, I know.
Woman, I completely get your post. I too cacoon at home for the first 2-3 months of withdrawal. Now I try to go out every day even if it is to just run errands. For some reason if I am out if the house I don’t scratch as intensely.
I too am having more good days than bad. The bad days still suck but at least they are less intense…still difficult but less intense.
I read some where to NOT take salt baths with hot water or it will dry your skin.
Keep fighting the good fight better days are ahead – they might be hard to see from where we are at, but they are out there :o)
Hey there Leizel, Don’t feel pressured to post and make it HAVE to be about sunshine and rainbows and “Oh joy I will get through this”. TSW is raw and real and awful and don’t feel bad about wanting to withdraw and not have anything positive to say. I’m no social butterfly either so I feel you on that, TSW is only reinforcing my introversion and desire to just be alone away from everyone wallowing in how bad I feel. And a lot of grief comes with the fact that you feel like you are being robbed of what SHOULD be very good years of your life. We are both 26 and should be out enjoying things and living up being a young adult, not sitting inside isolated, so that is so rough to deal with, I just hate it. You have a lot of friends on here rooting for you and better days will come. I know that is a cliche that everyone likes to say to support each other but it is the truth. Just keep taking it in stride. Glad to hear that you are seeing major improvements (greasy nose?? YAY!)
I am 1/2 way through month 3 now and am happy to read your post. I too was in a dark place up until the past few weeks. I went back to work 2 weeks ago – but only one day a week and that is enough. I am down and out the whole next day. You gave me lots of encouragement on the google support group and it is greatly appreciated! Glad to have found your blog!
Tracy, I’m glad to hear that you’re out from the thick of withdrawal. There’s really nothing like it. I experienced so many dark and mixed emotions, so I too understand what it’s like to only be coming out of it. Things will very gradually become better and you will see the changes. Much love, xoxo.