Kisses Again

It’s 2:30am, awake with the itchies… Thought I’d be able to pull another night off without taking antihistamines. The last two nights I did without. I was just too tired that I didn’t bother. I did have to get up a couple times because the itch was bugging me, but went to sleep soon enough albeit with less ease and more emotional distress. 

The bulk of June has been pretty good. I started getting a lot of sun, which seems to really have helped open wounds close up. The perioral area has improved vastly as a result. Compared to last few months of oozing, redness and hyper-sensitivity, the area above my upper lip has been the best it’s been for a very long time. The way I evaluate this ultimately is the Kiss Test.

I haven’t been able to really kiss Kris for the last 1.5-2 years  of our relationship because of the amount of sensitivity I’ve had. After even a touch of kisses, the skin will break with soreness and oozing, and will need at least 1-2 weeks to bounce back. Despite Kris’ efforts to keep his facial hair to a minimum, even the most minute scrape or touch against my skin would immediate tear my skin.

I’m happy to it’s changed and can kiss like a normal person in a relationship. Yay! I might experience some sensitivity like probably most people but NOTHING like how it was before. This is a new era of healing!

I remember last October 2012 was the worst point. I had rubbed that area and soooo much ooze resulted. I had a thickass crust of dried yellow plastic over my upper lip. It was distressing and terrible to look at. I almost wish I had taken photos of it just to show you have bad it was. I was crying, wondering if my existence would always revolve around my dysfunctional skin. I wondered if I’d ever experience a kiss again. I felt and looked disgusting. And am forever thankful that I found Dr. Rapaport’s medical literature on eczema.

It’s been nothing short of life-changing. 

I went away with my boyfriend for a day trip to Niagara Falls. We wanted to get away after his stressful week of work. So off we went to our favourite close-by destination. I survived the heat at 30-ish degrees Celsius. Luckily we were in and out of a/c’ed buildings but still am pleased that my body didn’t over react as soon as I stepped out in the heat and humidity. I was pretty warmed up but within my comfort zone. I wasn’t sweating either. Still  waiting for the sweating stage of healing to kick in and actually looking forward to it even. Here I come, sweet, sweet sweat.

Month 5 + Juliana’s Healed Story

I’ve pat down another month of healing. It’s gone by fairly quickly – more quickly than previous months! I remember in Feb and March feeling like a single week felt like an entire month. It was very slow going and wasn’t sure how I’d make it through, but my time perception has changed greatly and feel like I’m just trucking along until I can finally feel close to 100% again. May has been a month of improvements, as well as back-tracking. I’ll give you the bad first…

The Bad:

Had a pretty big flare after drinking a glass of wine. Not quite there yet! Perioral area has worsened (mainly the region around my mouth) has been raw, sensitive, red and flakey. Nightly itching is a regular occurance. Still taking antihistamines to put me to sleep. Otherwise, I’m awake half the night. Skin still looks pretty gnarly – deep fissures and wrinkling, especially on my arms and neck. Also still pretty dry… but who isn’t in a time like this? I have rough linchified areas on my inner calves, neck, lower back, wrists, below the navel and arms.  Anxiety still pretty high. Not nearly as bad as it was just a couple months ago when I was experiencing a feeling of doom before laying my head to rest. The increasing temperatures and humidity of summer has caused flaring, so I’ve been avoiding the outdoors. Taking the bus is still very difficult as the waiting periods are long enough for my body to heat up in warm/hot weather, so i’ve been taking taxis to go places. Also, I’ve had a noticeable B.O. this last month for no apparent reason and wonder if it has to do with what I’m eating or the withdrawal. I’ve read about many people having the same issue going through TSW. Has anyone found out conclusively if it’s caused by TSW?

The Good:

My skin is feeling and looking better. My face looks near normal. My thighs look untouched by TSW. My bum feels pretty darn smooth! The itching usually only ever happens during the night. Daytime itchies are common, but not as distracting as the night time ones. Still using apricot oil (was using the heavier grapeseed oil) but feel like I’ll soon be moving on a lighter oil soon. Coconut is next! Confidence is gradually reappearing. I notice myself smiling and laughing more 🙂 Able to tolerate cosmetics/makeup, so I can leave the house with eyebrows and lipgloss. Yay.

I went to Fabricland yesterday to pick up a couple different silky fabrics to get some summer scarves made. I’d really need to learn how to sew myself and have a few to choose from. Most of the current scarves I own now are too heavy for summer and want something to just cover my neck since it’s the most damaged/raw area.

I had a chance to meet Natasha from the ITSAN forum in Toronto. She was lovely and a pleasure to meet. Her strength and composure was inspiring and gave me something to hold on to. Hope to meet you again, Natasha!

Impressed that I’m able to slap on some makeup and run around outside. It feels good to finally go out on a regular basis. Oh, right – I also just started working again! I’m working at a retirement home as a “Companion” for en elderly woman, part-time.  Hands down, it’s the best job I’ve ever had. It’s kept me on my toes and surprisingly has given me a new appreciation for life.

My birthday is right around the corner. I’ll be turning 27 on June 25th. I think about how quickly time has passed me by and how great life can be when I’m healthy again. I’ve been thinking more about my career path and travelling I’d like to do next year. I guess that’s another post.

There’s news of a recent Healed Story by Juliana! She had it pretty rough. If you look at her photos and read about her experiences with TSW, it’s amazing to see how much happier and healthier she’s become. I believe it’s taken her 2 years to come to this point. The body truly does miraculous things and can heal. Another beautiful testimony to Topical Steroid Withdrawal and how these prescription creams can do more harm than good. Congratulations to you Juliana!

Sending warm healing vibes to you, xoxo.